You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
