Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
