U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
