he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize