I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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