Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
