I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
