idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
