just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
