one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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