I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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