there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
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Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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