apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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