It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?