It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
