i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.