Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.