I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
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tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.