The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
