I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Terrible idea I love it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
