Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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