I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
