a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
