i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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