If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
time to smoke my breakfast
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
