You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
