I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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