Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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