Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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