we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
