Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
