I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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