Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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