Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
