Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
