You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
