This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize