I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
