What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
