i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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