How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
