no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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