You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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