ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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