id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
