Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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