Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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