i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
