There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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