didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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