my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
