At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
