honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
