need another drink. this is the easiest way
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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