I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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