So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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