he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
