We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
