so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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