Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the day after is always just damage control
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
