Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
