Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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