i permit you to call me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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