I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
