You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
