Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
