I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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