how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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