I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
