His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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