Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
