P.S. I can't hear my feet
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
