Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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