the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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