He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize