i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
