does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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