Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
