i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
