but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
