I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
