Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
