I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
