My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
