White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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