Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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