I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
