I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
