bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish you could order shots online.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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