I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
