woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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