drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Come share oat with me in your robe
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
