hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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