At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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