even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
then he tried to convert me to islam
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
