What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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