names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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