i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize