So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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