I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
